Poor Man's Olives: Mustang Grapes

Several years ago, when I was a bright-eyed young college freshman still confident that my degree would be worth something, I had the great pleasure to take a class in ethnobotany. At some point I met a guest speaker who was a (self-styled) expert in Hill Country Cuisine. A descendant of the first German settlers in Texas, he gave me a recipe for brining and canning Mustang Grapes in a way that would make them taste like olives. Mustang Grapes, for those not in the know, are a native Texas grape characterized by an intensely bitter flavor and the painful rash that some people develop upon touching them. Until meeting the guest speaker, I wasn't aware they were edible. I still have concerns. Despite wanting desperately to try them (olives are an expensive habit), I've missed the extremely narrow window for grape picking for four years in a row. Not this year. I set an alarm. And made my roommates go with me on periodic walks to check the status of the grapes on the nearest public trail. And talked about it constantly so that they would remind me. Despite all that, I nearly forgot again. But this year, Bacchus was smiling down on me. Grapes were collected, and grapes were canned.

Unfortunately, I couldn't locate the original recipe until after I'd mostly made one up by reviewing art of brining and then mashing together some other recipes. However, it looked great when I was finished, so I'm optimistic.

Mustang Grapes:

Shown here in their unripened state, Mustang Grapes turn a dark purple when they're ripe and are commonly used to make Hill Country wines and jams. Despite this, most central Texans have no idea that the vines are anything other than a nuisance, as the grapes are so acidic that eating them off the vine is unpleasant. I'll be attempting to make several different recipes out of the grapes, so stay tuned for jam and (if I'm feeling especially bold) wine. Legal note: Check your state's laws on foraging before you head out in search of grapes. Texas, due to a weird legal holdover from ranching/herding days, does not permit foraging on public lands. However, Mustang Grapes are so common that you shouldn't have any trouble finding neighbors or friends willing to let you harvest.


Vaguely Remembered/ Made Up Recipe:

Prep time after harvesting:

Approx 1 hour

Materials:
Hand protection
2 large pots
basic canning supplies (jars, seals, water bath rack, etc.)
2 clean towels to rest the cleaned jars on

Ingredients:
2-3 pounds unripened Mustang Grapes (or a similar local bitter grape)
1 tablespoon white vinegar (into each canning jar)
Brine:
2 quarts cold water
1/2 cup salt (preferably canning salt)
1 tablespoon Cayenne pepper
2 tablespoon Rosemary
8 peeled cloves of garlic
1 tablespoon Crushed Red Pepper flakes

Process:
Start by washing the grapes and picking them off the stems. Be sure to wear rubber gloves (or put plastic baggies on your hands, if you're fabulous like us) to protect from skin irritants. Once the grapes are washed, add them to a large pot with the brine and allow to simmer for 10-15 minutes. The grapes will turn a lighter shade of green. It was at this point that I was reminded of the "witches' brews" and "cooking" I would do as a child in the backyard. The grapes looked a lot like acorns bobbing in a bucket, and the rosemary and pepper flakes did nothing to make the concoction look less like a child had picked up random leaves and twigs to make "soup."

Yum!

Regardless, I firmly told myself that I was a real grown-up now, making real grown up foods. While this inner dialogue and self-doubt is happening, boil your jars and lids in a large pot of water to sanitize them. If you have no idea why you just did that last step, go here to brush up on some canning basics. For the record, this is an acidic food so the Water Bath Method is recommended. When both of these steps are done, remove the jars and seals from the water without touching them with your hands, dry them on the clean towels, and fill the jars with the grapes and brine.

Put the seals on and press down without touching them with your hands, tighten the lids, and then put the filled jars back into the boiling water. Allow to boil for 20-30 minutes, as this will ensure a good seal. After cooling, store in a dark cabinet for 6-8 weeks before eating.

Update:
Literally minutes after putting the seals on the first batch, I remembered that I'd written the original recipe into my diary freshman year. A half hour of hilarious skimming later, and I'd found it.
So here it is, the ancient (or at least historic) recipe of the Germanic settlers of Central Texas
(I've elaborated a bit to make up for Germanic terseness):

Das Olden Fake Olives

Ingredients:
Green, unripened Mustang Grapes, pea-sized or slightly larger
1 tablespoon of white vinegar per jar
1 cup brining salt/ 1 1/2 quarts water (this makes brine)

Process:
Boil the jars, seals, and lids for 10 minutes.
Wash and de-stem the grapes, then pack them into clean, boiled canning jars. Add 1 tablespoon of white vinegar to each jar. Meanwhile, boil the salt and water together, stirring until the salt dissolves. Pour the boiling brine into each jar until the tops of the grapes are covered. Without touching the seals with your hands, place them on top of the jars and screw on the lids. Place the filled jars back into the boiling water for 30 minutes. Allow to cool and then store in a clean, dark place for 6-8 weeks.

Voila! So simple, you could do it on a homestead in a pioneer dress with no electricity or running water! Obviously the made up version is a bit fancier (and spicier), but if you've managed to scrounge enough grapes from your neighbor's fence, why not try both?






Effort Rating (On a Scale of 1 to Fuck This!):
6

Cost Comparison:
16oz jar of organic olives $9.59
16oz jar of organic grape-olives $0.15

I made 11 jars, so the total comparison looks like:
11 jars of organic olives: $105.49
11 jars of organic grape-olives: $1.65